Frankenstein

So far Frankenstein is pretty interesting. I am fascinated by the parallels that I have seen between Victor and Walton. Walton is on a voyage to discover some magnetic force with a bunch of dim-witted sailors, while Victor has surpassed man’s intelligence by actually creating a human being. Both of these men are on technological journeys that are far too advanced for the people around them, thus leaving them essentially alone in their discoveries. Additionally, both men have women who appear more as companions than as lovers… I can’t really decide why that may be. But anyways, poor Victor seems to be a lost soul. His imagination captivates him to such a strong degree that he literally cannot escape it. If an interesting idea comes to mind, than he is instantly a slave to his creativity until it can be released. I think that in some ways Mary Shelley was like this as well. Some articles on Shelley reveal that the idea of Frankenstein came to her in a vision- as if her imagination took hold of reality and forced her to concoct such a tale. In this way, she and Victor are alike. Also though, Victor is instantly terrified of his creation. I find this kind of odd. He has slaved over this inanimate object for years, nearly sacrificing himself for his vision, yet he is immediately disgusted. Frankenstein’s monster certainly is described in a frightening manner, but one would think that the creator of something so laborious would be a bit more open-minded to the creature. In my opinion, Victor’s greatest sin is not confronting his creation. Of course, it is a terrible sin to defy nature and God by creating a being, but I find that more an act of innocent curiosity. The real harm is when he realized the danger of the creature and ignored it. He put his sweat, blood, and tears into his monster, and he does not even want to study his creation. This is very poor parenting on his part. Just like any child, the monster senses his abandonment. The one thing in life that should love him despises him. I would probably be angry and confused, too. Also, this is very similar to Satan and God. Satan is the fallen angel (in which the creature describes himself) and therefore declares war on all that is good. The creature murders William- an innocent, vivacious, and hopeful young boy. I do not know how many other heinous crimes the creature has committed, but for me, William’s murder is war. Victor represents the creator (whether that be a good or bad thing), and the creature is the devil. Sadly, both Victor and the creature are just confused. Victor should have loved the creature, or at least prevented its destruction, and the monster is so confused and angry that he only acts out in hatred for humanity. So, I guess right now I think that the book is about actions and consequences, and man’s arrogant ego.

Grendel, the Tragedy

Grendel’s growth through the novel is an interesting journey. It seems that he gets too absorbed with meaninglessness. His childhood is like most children’s (relatively speaking). He is adventurous and very attached to his mother- nothing out of the ordinary. It is when he is exposed to man that he changes. He realizes that they are just as barbaric and sinful as he and his mother are, and he and his mother are related to Cain. So, they are partially attached. Beowulf’s biggest change, in my opinion, is when the shaper comes. The shaper makes truth out of lies and creates a world of organization and perhaps meaning. Grendel sees the flaws in the Shaper’s poetry but he is almost enamored by it as well. When he visits with the dragon, his views begin to morph. Grendel begins to slip into a world where he believes nothing to have meaning. Perhaps that is why the dragon says to “seek out gold and sit on it”. In other words, life does not have a purpose, so find what you like and cease the moment. Enjoy the present and do not worry about the future because essentially, everything in life amounts to nothing. As sad as this is, it is true in some ways. Present life amounts to something for those who believe in an afterlife, but for those who do not, the question is: how should one live life? Grendel who realizes the pointlessness of life, is tortured by tedium. I don’t think that he properly takes the Dragon’s advice. The humans are taking the dragon’s advice; they have saught out happiness, and they are protecting it (by fighting Grendel). The humans have found the positive way to seek out gold, Grendel has taken an off approach. He becomes evil in bitterness to the world and maybe because good comes from evil, and he wants good to occur. However, although Grendel believes that he is pretty much “all-knowing”, he is the one who loses. He lives a depressing and nearly loveless life. The only times he finds love is in humanity- Wealtheow and the Shaper. So, even if man lives in a myriad of complex lies, it’s working. Humanity is happy and loving and functioning- unlike Grendel. It is bizarre to think that we live in a world of delirium, but we are here, so we should make the best of it (even if it does amount to nothing… but again we don’t know that either). Essentially, life is a gamble. You can either live life with purpose- even if you don’t know if it will ever amount to anything; or you can live a life of meaninglessness- because you don’t want to put in the effort to work for a purpose that may or may not exist. Both ways are understandable depending on the person, but as we see in Grendel, the society that lives with a sense of purpose thrives. Will those people ever mean anything in the end? I don’t know- nobody does. But it would awfully sad to live a life in bitter refusal just because you are afraid of nothingness.

Grendel Ending

I think Grendel has given me the biggest headache in AP Lit thus far. There is so much stuff going on! I don’t think that I have ever read a book with quite so many confusing layers. All of that being said; I still appreciate the incredible depth and intellect of Grendel. The ending is brilliant. Firstly, I personally like Grendel more than Beowulf. The way that Grendel describes Beowulf is so creepy. I imagined Beowulf and his people as robots or zombies coming from a frozen hell. They are described as “dead” looking and Beowulf’s words do not match up with his mouth. I find this very interesting because it is as if Beowulf is a shell to something else; something inhuman. When Grendel imagines Beowulf with wings, it is as if the dragon is perhaps disguised as Beowulf. This explains the several times that Beowulf is described in a serpent-like fashion. It also describes his unbelievable strength. But anyway, I feel like the ending was super fast. Grendel seems totally baffled the entire time… he barely has time to think. I think that Grendel is a funny guy so although the ending is completely gruesome, I could feel the humor in it all as well. Grendel’s bewilderment lightens the entire episode. One minute Grendel is comically feasting upon a man, and the next he is being taken down by Beowulf. Grendel is of course fearful and in incredible pain, but he also is evidently shocked by the entire episode. He is confident that Beowulf is a lunatic which for some reason makes me like Grendel and find the ending ironically funny. Also, it is ironic that Beowulf, who is essentially described as a machine, is Grendel’s downfall. Grendel despises the mechanics of nature his entire life and he is killed by it. So perhaps mechanics and thoughtlessness is superior to free will in some ways. But also, Grendel’s last words are strange; “Poor Grendel had an accident. So may you all”(174). It almost sounds as if he is cursing them- telling them that they too will die. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if it is almost a blessing. Grendel craves death and finds his death possibly joyful. He probably feels this way because he finds life torturously tedious and mechanical and evil so death is the only escape. So, by saying that all of the animals will have an accident, It’s almost like he is assuring them that they will be free of the hellish earth as well. In the end, Beowulf and Grendel are both evil in some ways, but Grendel is the lesser evil. When the shaper dies, history and, consequently, order is destroyed. Although order is nice, it is also lies. When Beowulf arrives, order reoccurs which means that lies prevail over reality. In Grendel’s eyes, Beowulf is clearly insane and clearly evil… so I guess true evil (but outwardly heroic figure) covers up reality/ chaos, and replaces it with order/ lies. Basically, I think that Beowulf is demonic but conveniently is beneficial to the people, whereas Grendel is deep-down a good guy, but is hated by the people because he exposes their evils.  My head hurts.

Conquering that Inner Dragon

Who am I am why am I here? To be honest, I don’t really take myself seriously enough to answer this completely, but I will try. Right now, I can finally say that I have created my own sense of who I am. What I mean is that I don’t feel like I am an echo of my parents anymore, and I credit high-school for this new sense of individuality. “Freshman me” was definitely more of what my parents believe and expect, but now I have challenged those beliefs, and made them in to my own. I think that religion is often times the shape of an individual, so once a person has a solid religion, than they can more in-touch with themselves.  I grew up Catholic and I still am Catholic, but I’m going through a stage where I actually listen to and question what is being preached so that I can decide if Catholicism is right for me. Religion should be a self guided revelation, not something forced upon you. So, I want to make the decision on my own; my parents can certainly be my guides, but they won’t be my determinants. So, right now I’m a bit lost, but I know that I’m headed in the right direction. A year ago, when I really started thinking on my own, I would not have had the slightest clue of who I am or what my purpose is, but it’s becoming clearer. Last year was a year of necessary mistakes (and this year is too- God bless my parents). Some of my past decisions were probably not the best, but I would not be who I am today if I hadn’t made those choices. You live and learn, and those bad mistakes are some of the most important and educational mistakes of my life so far. I have learned to be open-minded and to never judge anybody, because until you have been in a scenario, you have no business judging anyone else’s choices. I have learned that it is worth being nice to everybody; now that I have been open-minded enough to converse with all types of people, I can honestly say that I don’t hate anybody. And I have learned that somebody’s past should not define a person, so don’t let it. So, right now, I am a confused adolescent along with everybody else in my high-school. I have morals that I live by every day, but I am also 17 years old, so I know that those beliefs can change quickly. I am here to impact somebody in a positive light- even if it’s just one person. I am here to save somebody- even if I never know that I helped him or her. We all serve a purpose in life, no matter how miniscule it is. Who am I? I’m an open-minded, accepting, loving, and naive young woman (in a nut-shell). Why am I here? I’m here to make a difference for somebody; to pay it forward. But ask me in five years (or two months), and my answer could be totally different. Right now I’m just going with the flow, making mistakes, and meanwhile having one heck of a time.

Beowulf

It’s almost humorous comparing discussions on Beowulf freshman year compared to this year… quite a difference. So I’m glad we had to reread it, now I have more respect for the book. However, after our discussion in class, I think I’m more confused about the book. Beowulf baffles me- I don’t quite understand his intentions. After looking at the ending, at times it seems like he has unintentionally yet intentionally tricked his people into making him immortal. He doesn’t have a son, the treasure is buried with him, he is solely responsible for defeating the monsters, and he leaves society in a chaotic state. All of these acts have made Beowulf dies heroically and immortally. He will never be forgotten. But at the same time, Wiglaf comes to Beowulf’s aid which perhaps foreshadows another cycle. Also, what’s up with the weapons? The first battle, he refuses to use them and his strength saves him. The second battle one sword fails him but Grendel’s sword and his chain mail saves him. The third fight, his shield and sword fail him. It’s almost as if as he defeats the monsters and dragons, he becomes more physically weak. So, if these monsters represent his ego, then as he becomes more in-touch with himself, he loses his physical strength. Maybe it is his body’s or spirit’s way of telling him that he is done; he has completed the tasks that one must complete in mortal life and it is time to move on to immortality. Although a mere human could never defeat a monster such as Grendel, Fate or Luck is on his side and he wins. I think it is because Fate will not allow him to die until he has fought the battles within himself. The first fight is in a heaven like atmosphere- the mead hall. This is a place of order and happiness and safety and it is invaded by a monster. This shows that Beowulf’s ego is attacking his inner peace. He must defeat it. Later, he goes into a lair under water. As Joseph Campbell says, water represents the unconscious. So, Beowulf is battling his unconscious. Interestingly, the Unferth’s sword does not prove useful but the monster’s does. To defeat monsters, it is apparently necessary to have something more than mortal and that is why Unferth’s sword does not work. The last battle, Beowulf only has mortal weaponry and it is ineffective. He also would have died had Wiglaf not appeared. Wiglaf helps Beowulf defeat his inner self which is sort of ironic that Beowulf could not defeat his own self alone. But maybe that is Fate’s way of appointing a new Beowulf. I don’t know. This book is confusing. Regardless- props to Beowulf. Even if he was just a lucky guy he tricked everyone into thinking he was nearly godly. He also achieved immortality because his people loved him so much. Society is about to go to pieces just because this guy dies. Well played, Beowulf, well played.

Happy Halloween?

This evening, as I attempted to procrastinate my rather large load of homework, I had a very pleasant walk through memory lane as I watched all of the trick-or-treaters stop by. The weather was just right- cool and brisk, I could smell autumn in the air; the pumpkins were carved; the candy was out… but it simply did not feel quite the same as it used to. I obviously could not dress up and go door to door asking for candy, yet I was not completely ready to throw in the towel to the magic of holidays. So once again the fact that I am going through adolescence became apparent and I therefore sulked around in envy of all of the dressed up five year olds getting candy. Now my mind was filled with fond memories of my childhood and of course the what seemed like abysmal amount of homework that I continued to push off. As I racked my brain of my assignments I remembered the blog that I needed to write, which of course reminded me of the literature that we have read thus far, which therefore led me to the sad realization that at this point, my life is way too similar to that of Holden Caulfield and George Willard. Once again life has brought me back to literature and how I relate to it. When I read Winesburg, Ohio and The Catcher and the Rye I had this constant feeling of uncomfort and anxiety. I think it’s because the characters are in such an odd in-between stage of life. It’s just not a good place to be in. Essentially, these characters simply do not belong to humanity- they’re stuck in this incredibly awkward transition from childhood to adulthood. So, that person has to choose whether to be an adult or a child. Unfortunately for adolescents, we want to be both. The idea of wanting two things at once reminds me of Edna. Edna is a young woman and was most definitely prematurely married and a mother. I think that is many ways, Edna did not properly go through the necessary stages of adolescence before becoming an adult. Clearly she has a free spirit, and to be tied down to children and a husband by her early twenties does not leave room for her spirit to be liberated. Her marriage and motherhood is a part of her life that is fake to her. It is this component of reality that is what she is expected of and not what she actually wants from life. If Edna would have been able to live out more of her twenties and make the slow and steady transition into adulthood, then I don’t think she ever would have gone “crazy”. Adolescence is a vitally important part of life where people discover who they are. It is also incredibly awkward and depressing at times. But hey, at least the world has Holden and George to see that most people my age are probably feeling this same bizarre lack of holiday spirit. Happy Halloween!

Poetry, The awakening, etc

So, I started trying to find poems that I “connect” with but it is harder than I imagined. I have never really been into poetry so it’s hard for me to find poems that I really enjoy. But several of the poems that we have read in class have been enjoyable so I’m sure I can find something interesting. I guess I need to start looking at some poetry books or something. Also, I thought that the timed writing went well today. I wrote about the poem “The Century Quilt” and I found the imagery of the leaves very fascinating. I think that the leaves represent something dying. The speaker’s childhood, for example, is something that is over and the memory could be “dying”. However, she makes it seem like because it is put into this material object that her memory is preserved eternally. It was an interesting concept, I liked it. And I’m glad that we wrote that essay on The Awakening because it forced me to completely gather my thoughts. The seminars are good to discuss and hear other people’s opinions but unfortunately they aren’t long enough for me to always establish my position on the matter that we are discussing. However, because I knew I had to pick a side, it was kind of fun to gather all of the support for my claim. I decided that Edna is an artist by the end of the book. It became very obvious to me that she is reborn before she drowns. At that moment, she has come into a world that is new but familiar. So, this means that she has let go of all relationships. No more Robert, and no more family. By letting go of relationships and responsibilities, all of her attention can be put on art which is self-truth. I know that most of my peers hated Edna and I wasn’t a huge fan of her either, but to me she became so much of a symbol of freedom that I sort of disregarded her as an actual person. Also, that imagery of Venus that you noticed at the end of the book was actually mentioned earlier as well. When I was re-reading some of the parts I noticed that Victor describes Edna as Venus. That furthered my conclusion that Edna reaches a rebirth into nature which makes her an artist. She drowns because she is no longer meant for life on earth, Venus has taken over her and she is a part of the sea or freedom. To me, the ending was awesome. It gave me chills a little bit. It was just so dreamlike and entrancing. But anyways, I was surprised to find that I liked the book. I am not a feminist but I think that everybody can relate to Edna’s point in some way or another. We are all prisoners to something at times, and she shows that we aren’t alone.